...About A Girl...

friendless loser
@ 5:57 pm on January 28, 2005

People never fail to disappoint. I don't know... I just feel like I'm the last option on everybodies list. FUCK...
I think for once I'll be the one to blow everybody off and I'll be the friendless loser they have to be acting nice around me when they truthfully don't want jack shit to do with me.
It tears me up inside. I feel like crying now because all my goddamn friends ditched me for somebody else.
Whatever...I'm better than this.

I even thought all this fucking emotion was gone with Chris but I guess it isn't...He called I picked up and he sounds like he's trying to be some kind of youth fucking councelor.

I just need one fucking friend that I can depend on ... one fucking friend that will never ditch me...one fucking friend that will understand who I am and that I don't mean to hurt them when I say stupid shit. I need one fucking friend to spend time with...

Just one...and I'll be happy. I guess I depend on people too much. I mean with Christina , I've had a high oppinion of her for quite a while...but whenever I want to do something with her it seems like something else comes up or she just ditches me for someone else. Monica didn't pick up her cell phone and I'm just now developing a friendship with her so I can't complain. Dave- I don't have his fucking number... Warren is going up to D-town with his boys for football.

I have no friends I can depend on... That's why it hurt so bad when I lost Christi and Asia...because I felt comfortable around them and I felt like there was this bond and understanding there. But it kind of got sold out. We aren't best friends anymore - but we're friends and we still talk. I'm just hurt... I feel alone...and I want a friend more than anything right now. Somebody I can talk to about all this shit that's going on in my life. Somebody that will just listen. Its starting to hurt - the knowledge sinking in about how truly alone I am now. I'm getting depressed again and everything is just falling apart. When all else fails - isolate... I can now recognize that Chris used me and he never wanted anything from me. He'll never love me...it was cheap sex. I feel like human trash, I feel dirty and used. I feel like I will never be loved by anybody - not even a friend. I don't think anybody can truly understand the desires I have for life. I have no one... and I wish I could rip my heart out so I wouldn't have to feel this emotion. I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED © DevouredSoul [(B.J.L.)] it just wasn’t worth it ... i tried to be perfect ...

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