bitch about the bitch chris
@ 4:17 pm on January 31, 2005

I've been suffocating since January 3,2005. Do you know what it feels like to have such regret that you can hardly breathe...and barely look at yourself in the mirror? I'm frankly tired of it. I just want to be able to breathe again.
I don't know why I did it.
There isn't anything sacred anymore about me, and that's what gets to me the most.

I make the stupidest decisions. I just don't think about how I'll feel or how they'll effect me later on.

And I guess that's what makes me stupid.

I don't know which is more painful...me talking to Chris or me not talking to Chris.

I hate myself when I talk to him...I know that much ... it proves I have weakness...

I've been thinking lately of just calling him and saying I don't want anything to do with him anymore. Telling him it was a one time thing so I'm not the one that ends up feeling like a fool. He was the horny bastardly fool that made me a fucking fool...

I dislike him very much.

When he calls, its just because he wants something from me. It pisses me off.

And that's just when he calls which is like once every other week. I told him I didn't feel guilty or bad about what happened. If I told him I did , he'd go off on me about how it was all me and none of it had to do with him.
When I talk to him he always gloats and has this self-pity party - he says these stupid suicidal things that prove to me even more that he's an idiot and an absolute fool.

I mean as if not going on to college for a music career that will never bloom... and wasting your intelligence weren't enough...

He thinks he can use me whenever he wants just because he's in a fucking band and plays bass and actually attempts to sing...

But what pisses me off like no other is when I don't pick up the phone and he keeps on calling saying that I'm cheating on him. He's the one that always confirms that we aren't together. So fuck him...

The only thing I'm happy about today is that we had a snow day...so no school. Everything else is just bullshit because of that asshole Chris Clark. If you want to call and bitch him out his number is 719-494-7683.
I know thats wrong and probably illegal to be giving out his number like that...but oh hell, he screwed me [literally]...

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