morphine heart
@ 6:01 pm on March 25, 2005

I hate drama.

Richard now hates Christina for numerous reasons. Some which aren't really her fault. Bummer.
I detest the situation that is brewing right now.

Right when things start falling back into order there is always upheval of some sort.
I want to be with Rich so bad... but Christina is my best friend. If they butt heads really badly... I know what decision I'd have to make.

Richard told me that he almost dumped me today because of the situation that occured yesterday with him and Christina. That upset me quite a bit... right after he said he wouldn't leave me...

We're still together though... x♥x

Even though I'm with Rich right now I still have a negative outlook on love. I say "screw love, having fun is more important..." but I know what my heart wants. My heart always wants love. That bastard in my chest should be ripped out and shot full of morphine. Oh,yes, my sweet morphine heart.

I wish something could sedate my emotions a little bit more. I feel so emotionally dead lately - I find myself not giving a fuck anymore and that quite frankly scares me. I'm such a fantastically emotional and caring person - I don't know why this numb has set in again.

I love my heart, I love who I am... but there are so many things that I have grown to hate about myself - mostly on the outside. I would kill to look like this girl and plan on getting surgery to do so.

I mean look at her... she's gorgeous!

okay...well now I'm just plain bored...so I'm going to go get ready to piddle my pantaloons at christina's house while furiously masturbating watching her play video games with goofy and donald duck in them.

oh, did I mention we totallly reinvented an Alanis Morrisette song? Its amazingly gut wrenching [in a vomiting sort of way]... its about Transgendered hookers. hah...

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