...About A Girl...

fugg ovv
@ 3:49 pm on March 27, 2005

Richard has too many kinks to keep up with. I don't know weather to think its hot or disturbing... so I rest in the center of the argument...

It seems like he doesn't want anything extremely exclusive. I mean if your boyfriend/girlfriend told you they wanted to watch you have sex with somebody else what would you say?

If me and Richard get serious we'll probably be swingers. WHAT FUN!!!

I just want Richard... I don't want some other guy that I don't know and never plan on associating with after Richard gets off on us having sex and him being the voyer. That's sick and completely out of character for me.

I don't know what to think about that. I'm not some other guys toy... I'm not Richard's toy either... but for the first time last night he told me that he wanted to love me... normally I say it first and he retorts...

It just felt kind of special... because I do want to love him - no matter what ---

I even told Warren that I had a boyfriend. I didn't think I'd do that because I didn't think I'd ever fall for Richard. But guess what, kids, I'm falling... and I don't want to. I'm screaming for someone to help cushion me in the fall toward darkness...but the only person that can really protect me in this situation is Richard...and of course the shoulders of my friends : Trish & Christina to cry on if things go wrong.

What the fuck am I doing?

*♥*

I've been thinking about trying to mend some broken bridges with my half sisters and half brothers. I've gotten such a raw deal with them because their fucking dimwitted assholes that love denying their family in a time of need. They ditched us when we needed them most - right after my dad was diagnosed...

I don't know if I can forgive them for that - well completely forgive them that is...

My heart is so big and people don't accept this very often... it saddens me overall...

Oh,well... I've been getting stoned far too much recently. I don't care...but maybe that's just the pot talking...Its mostly just shwag which is never bundles of fun wrapped in a joint...but it works enough sometimes...

I remember how anti-drugs I used to be when I was younger and now I'm constantly looking for some weed in one place or another. I can't do any uppers only downers. If I did any uppers it would kill me because of the medication I'm on. Life is crazy sometimes but you can always count on zoloft, welbutrin, and of course...SEROQUEL - that's the bitch that puts me to sleep instead of having my borderline insomnia make me stay up.

Okay, enough of this rambling. I need to make a new template for this diary and give this one up to star-layouts.

Also, if you want a custom...as always, leave a note for me.

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