concerts,fake people, richard, etc...
@ 1:25 pm on April 05, 2005

There's a Dub Project concert with Thruster and Aggressive Persuasion at Navajo's on Thursday. i don't know if I'll go. I love Dub though. I'm surprised they haven't made it big yet. Their lyrics totally rock me.
Like from their song Life is Pain these lyrics touch me : Dreams don't come true
Life will fail you
Hope kills
Love is poison

What annoys the shit out of me is little fuckers like Converse that have never experienced anything remotely painful and remain oblivious to what life can throw you but still like music like Dub. She probably doesn't like them - just thinks their trendy like those damn Converse she always wears.

Fuck that shit.

That's the reason I'm so into the music I am into. I hate rap... probably because I can't relate to the obscurity of it. The little naggers at school frolick around listening to that shit though... whatever floats you I guess.

I was supposed to hang out with Richard on Sunday night after work... except I didn't work so I forgot to call him...

I felt so fucking bad. He may not believe it, but I really did and I still do. It seems like I can't say sorry enough. I'm trying to come up with ways to make it up to him. I have a few superficial ways...
He was really upset, which is understandable. He yelled at me for a bit... I understand his anger. Nevertheless I'm not one to let anybody walk all over me, so I took what I deserved and nothing more.

He got me roses... and I didn't fucking meet up with him. I hate how forgetful I am.

I wrote to Rich while sitting in the middle of an extremely boring Lit. class. I didn't have anything to do except read about Iraq and the war. I already know what my oppinion is... I mean, yeah, war sucks... but life is war, life is dealing with the fact we are all going to die one day... it happens, this is reality. I'm not pro-war or anti-war - I'm reality. When my fucking conservative bitch teacher, Forbes, tries to push her views on me after I wrote a report on Otep's view of the war... Just fuck her, I agree with some of Otep's points...deal with it Forbes, not everyone agrees with you, in fact most people don't even like you.

The Arabs were muderous dumb fucks anyay,therefore shit hit the fan for them.
But still lets ignore the fact they killed thousands of us "ignorant" Americans for some fucking bullshit I don't think anybody can understand. Maybe Allah is another name for crack cocaine? If so, then no wonder Iraq's leadership has sucked such major sweaty testicals.

Anyways, I wrote to Rich... I don't know if I'll give him what I wrote...but I'll put some of it in here.



"i'm not lying when i say i haven't liked or been interested in anyone in two years until you came along. what have you done to me? i was happy and content with being single and hating men....but now, now i go crazy emotional when i think of losing you without getting to know you first. "

"you know i'm yours and i hope one day maybe you'll be mine. i'm already committed to you and I want to make you happy..."

"- i don't want you mad or upset with me - i want you to like me and trust me... and eventually if everything goes right to love me."

"...i know i'm not as beautiful on the outside... at least not as much as you deserve in outer beauty. that's unpridictable...because you deserve the most gorgeous woman in the world. but i will show you in time that my heart is big and i'm slowly making a place in it just for you..."

That's all I'll share. I must admit I do want to love Rich. I've told him this on more than one occasion. He's told me he wants to love me. I think that's really ... really... well I can't find the word to explain it - its bittersweet...love is bittersweet.

Or like Dub says... love is poison.

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