...About A Girl...

pressure
@ 5:22 on May 08, 2005

I wrote this poem the other day thinking about Rich.
Things get really complicated sometimes and I don't know what to do with myself.
I made him make a deal with me that we wouldn't talk about "breaking up" or anything unless things got really bad.
He agreed...it hurts me when the subject of breaking things off comes up. I like him too much.
He has started calling me now. I like it this way. I think he's learned his lesson, but just in case I'll stay on the no-phone calls trek for the next few days.
I remember looking at my caller id and sifting through the recieved calls from 4 days in a row and not one of them was Richard. It made me sad; I always had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomache. So I'm happier now that he's calling me.
He hasn't made any plans with me to do anything yet. I'm still waiting for him to bring it up and then I'll know we are okay.
But until then I'm not going to bring up doing anything.

*sigh* my lovie.

Chrin and I ran into Charles when we got to Kmart yesterday. It scared me he just kind of popped out of nowhere. He did appologize for being a drunken fool...but that doesn't make him any less creepy etc...
We tried calling him last night but it was hard to find his number. We gave up.

I want him to stay away from Christina. Why do all these men that don't deserve to be within 20 feet of her think they have a chance? Seriously. First Danny now Charles. Go away Charles...just go away.

Christina and I are going to the Mansfield show on the 14th. It should be hella fun.
Trish invited me to the Final Drive show tomarrow night...eh...my mom says she has to think about it. I want to see Trish and meet up with Nathan Easter of Final Drive again. Plus, that would be a kick ass place to bring Richard and he could meet Trish for the first time. I need to see what Trish thinks. I swear everybody is against Rich. He's manic so its hard to see past some of his angry and disturbed layers...I can see past it. {In fact he called me just a few minutes ago and he was cussing some woman out on the Air Force Base. I can tolerate it but he gets really pissed like on the edge of violence. } Besides Christina; Trish is the person that knows me the most, she's known me longer and she knows my history because she was there with me. Anyway, I want to see what Trish thinks. I'm very curious.
Its a good thing I know how to tolerate that kind of anger due to my sister's bipolar disorder and other friends that I have had that were diagnosed.
I just hope he never gets that pissed at me.

I don't think he could unless I did something to purposely piss him off which I rarely do to people besides my sister. Danielle's just a faggot though and her anger brings out how retarded she is. Lovely.

Yes, its mothers day today and I'd have to say I have one of the most amazing mom's in the world. I don't think many mothers would put up with my shit but she's always been by my side. I thank god I got a mom like her. She's amazing. Here's to you mom.

Christina was sweet enough to loan me $5.00 yesterday so I could buy her a rose and a card. She loved them both.

My sister got her nothing. I kick your ass yet again danielle. Fuggin loser.

I'm looking for another job...lets see there's Kmart, Red Top, Safeway, King Soopers, Subway, Blockbuster, and Its a Grind. I don't want to work in any of those places but I need the money desperately.
I guess that's why they call it a job instead of a career.

Now I'm considering getting into Real Estate but also going to an art college for interior design. I'd kick ass in those fields. I'm good at listening to what people want and need and making it function well.
Plus in Real Estate you get $$$... yes, I think I will be good at doing that indeed.

Until then Christina and I are probably moving into a townhouse and getting a small dog and naming it Cletus or Ching Ching. Probably Cletus because its such an ugly redneck name and I giggle everytime I hear it.
I need sex right now. I just want Rich to fuck my brains out. He's good at doing that...yes. My sanity is wearing thin. Please, Rich call me...and make plans.

You know what...maybe I should be abstinant...I think that's a good idea. Sex does complicate so many things. Christina is going for abstinance too. I remember when I used to be abstinant... what have I turned into? Seriously...my identity was stripped away when I had sex with Chris.

Oh well... Rich said that if he ever sees him he'll kick his ass into the cement. I think he could too - Chris is pretty scrawny.

I need to go boil my pipe now- resin has built up a little too much. I won't boil all the resin off though - that shit can get you HIIIIGH..so yeah...until next time.

♥ I love you all!!!

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