new shit
@ 11:37 on June 5, 2005

I have to post this… I am in love… I said the “L” word which is like an emotional cancer that only kills off your emotion in the end… but I feel it… and I feel it for Richard. Last week he came over after I had cried on the phone to him for about 45 minutes. He came over with a beautiful red rose and a card that was just so sweet. It meant so much to me. I’ll post what the card said later on. I suppose I can unlock my diary now. I just needed to post something that I will now delete. I had to go to planned parenthood last week to take the day after pill or “plan b”… And I’m on birth control now. I still have this nagging paranoia that I may be pregnant…and if I am…yeah…you fill in the blanks…those of you that know the story. I still can’t believe I told my mom I wasn’t a virgin. How stupid stupid stupid… Things at home are calming down since I told the truth about all that madness… My bitch councilor, Judy, is trying to put me in Boot Camp or residential treatment. I finally told her what a cunt I thought she was so she’s hell-bent on sending me away to a place I’ll be miserable. I might be getting a job at Vitamin Cottage. I don’t give a shit…I just need the money. I’m turning in an application today but I’ve already talked to the manager. I also turned in applications to Village Inn and K-Mart. What fun. I’m sad. Chrinny is leaving for a while month to go visit her family is Missouri! We might be going to Michigan this summer but I don’t want to go. I’d rather take a rusty, dull knife and peel my face off with it than go back to that hell hole. Damn. I have a meeting with my probation officer tomorrow and my fate will be established…will I go to residential treatment or get another chance and stay home? If I get sent off…I swear I’ll kill myself. Richard and I are doing so well…and I can’t lose that right now…I just can’t…

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